Thanks to all the information in this thread i did solve my problem. As pointed out an express card can’t supply enough power for heavy devices like external drives. As such my drive would never show up, and just keep starting and stopping, and the card itself would keep loading and unloading from device manager.
Solution was getting a usb 3 split cable (like the Usb 2 ones), this allows you to plug the device into the Usb 3 express port with the data side of the cable, and plug the other side of the split intor an old usb2 port - to steal an extra 5 volts of power.
Plug all this together, and then reboot the laptop. that’s when everything is finally recognized. Plugged together with laptop on the drive never shows up, only the card.
Note: my NEC express card has an input port to add a 5volt power pack, but does not really expain the purpose of the port or why you would need it. No cable is supplied to use it either.